I had a serious cold, I remember going everyday at the pharmacy for teas, sucking pills and aspirin. I was also coughing very bad. Very loud.
I thought my period is late because of the cold, but five days already…
And smoking like crazy, I didn’t care if I’m coughing, I liked to smoke. Couldn’t breathe properly but oh, that specific taste …
I still looked out of curiosity what are the first symptoms of pregnancy although I had period symptoms but that damn thing wouldn’t come.
“Better do a test than read stupidities on the internet”
I’ll just wait three more days. I read on the Internet that you should wait a week and then if Santa Claus didn’t come… do the test.
“So if it.s gonna be positive, it.s a good thing right?”
“Stoyan is kinda happy although is not the perfect time”
She said not to think about this now. She’s my best friend, my partner in crime, my soul mate, my Earth when my head is in the clouds, my eyes when my feet are wondering lost, my heart beat when I close my eyes. She has a little princess, a gorgeous baby girl.
We started making plans about the two babies, mine and hers. Cute plans, like they’re gonna be cousins, no! lovers, yours is gonna be a boy, not a girl.
Couple of days later, I sent her a message in which I was panicking like Hell. I was crying in my bed, I don’t know why, happiness, sadness, both, nothing had happened, it was just the thought that I would love to have a baby, but am I ready? Nobody tells you this, I always imagined that when you get pregnant you kind of figured out everything and all the puzzles are almost put together, all you need is to conceive.
I had my puzzle, it was spread on the floor with all its pieces mixed up.
This is not the best moment, will I be able to offer this baby what he needs? Will I get a job after I give birth? Will I even make it through these 9 months to carry the pregnancy to the end? I was so scared. I was scared to death.
I started feeling guilty that I’m still smoking and I’m hurting the baby, how will I stop? And this was more terrifying as I was lighting up a cigarette.
Will I have money for clothes and food and pampers and toys and kindergarten and school and books… oh my God, the hospital. I heard how much money you need to spend for the whole delivery thing. Will it be cheaper if I give birth at home with my mom? No, better with Stoyans mom, she took care of her other grandson.
Then I told her “Actually, I wanted to tell you we’re going to buy the pregnancy test today.”
So long story short, I did the test, two lines showed up, I hugged and congratulated my hubby and told our parents.
All the drama before was nothing, now I’m 5 months pregnant and everything is going well. Overwhelming, but funny changes are going on every single day from now on. Don.t worry at all for anything and just take this step by step.